Everton 1 Chelsea 1 - FA Cup match report

Phil Neville was bizarrely quoted in The Observer as saying ''It was a difficult game to lose'' immediately after this sun drenched, deceivingly freezing cold 4th round FA cup tie at Goodison park. You'd be forgiven for thinking he was right too, after seeing the faces on most blues walking out the ground immediately afterwards. Maybe the Everton captains words were taken out of context, either way it felt a bit like a missed opportunity for the toffees knock the holders out and a team that haven't lost in the competition since early 2008.



The first half was largely forgettable with both teams huffing and puffing and looking a little cautious. It looked at times like the current league champions were happy to let Everton keep possession knowing full well that at the murrment, we offer about as much potency in the final third as a spectre's fart. Bilyaletdinov and Rodwell had chances to put us ahead but found Peter Cech in outstanding form, as did Florent Malouda whilst webbing a few efforts Tim Howards way at the other end.

In the second half, Everton set their stall out early on, pressed Chelsea feverishly for the ball, knocked the ball about neatly together and generally got about a side that sported 9 of the 11 players that brushed us aside so easily at Wembley 2 years ago. Marouanne Fellaini continued his recent form and dominated one of the most expensively assembled and talented midfields in the world. Frank Lampard was utterly anonymous. How many times have you heard that after we've played them? Testament in part to the Belgians worryingly imperious display, again.

Thankfully for once, Evertons second half dominance resulted in us taking the lead. Louis Saha who absolutely loves playing this lot, rose unchallenged to meet one of a number of exquisite Leighton Baines corners and planted an absolute peach of header past the flailing Cech. BOOM! Game on...



It was heartening to see that rather than surrendering the ball after taking the lead as we usually do, we got about Chelsea and looked to double the advantage. Chelsea though, with a whole manner of game changing options on the bench, still possessed a horrifying ability to carve us open at will on the break.

Seamus Coleman having another great game, planted a goal bound header which Cech did very well to keep out, arriving late at the back post similar to his goal against Spurs the other week, he looked certain to gobble up the rebound and put the game beyond the visitors, as it was though Michael Essien, a true thoroughbred of a midfielder, launched himself out of nowhere to block the ball. Then in what felt like approximately 2.3 seconds later, Solamon Kalou had latched onto a fortunate cross field ball from the breaking Anelka and levelled the game. What the deuce?

As it was, you couldnt really argue with the end result. Both sides went close in the latter stages, with Cechs save from Beckfords half chance, left footed volley being the pick of the bunch. So with the entirely winnable tie of Reading at home standing in the way of either team reaching the last 8, maybe its time we showed some people how important the FA Cup still is to us and what a real away FA Cup following on a saturday afternoon actually is.

''We're on the march....''

Chelsea FA Cup game preview

If you listen to some people just now, then come 14:30 on Saturday afternoon, half of Walton will be getting 'twitchy finger' beside their pitchforks and torches, and trying to storm the Goodison boardroom/Home dressing room, but then opting for the park end tent (because the security was less beefy and that) and Evertons season will be all but finished.

Last weekends thoroughly depressing point against West Ham landed onto this seasons ignited chip pan of Evertonian hopes and dreams like a damp tea towel lashed by a cowering east end Dot Cotton .



Then again, the same people will tell you that we are currently in administration, Phillip Green has Billy boy over a barrel for a loan, we're defo going down and that Moyes will resign at the precise moment that Soloman Kalou slots Chelsea's 4th at the street end on Saturday(with no reply). Reading that back actually, non of it would remotely surprise me, not to mention get me ever so slightly irritated...*strikes match*.

Think back to that glorious scorching hot day in early summer 2009, all of us scrambling for a golden ticket, dabbing on our Smurf paint, squinting in the sunlight and dousing our hungover gullets with a 10am Lager from a whole manner of welcoming hostelry owners throughout the capital. It all seemed to be coming together. The managers plans, his style of football, talented football players in Royal blue all playing for each other, silverware. Not even the loss of a Baresi-a-like Jagielka to a freak injury before the final could dampen the spirit and destiny afoot. We'd strode defiantly past Aston Villa, Middlesborough, Mancester United and even the all spawning red shite by a flooky last minute goal. This was our year.

Then THHHHHWAAAACCKKKK! Louis Saha almost rips the net out of its foundations after 25 seconds and makes Evertonians quiver, cry and ejaculate in equal measure, whilst simultaneously windmilling into a toffee flavoured orbit.

The surface of the Sun, Frank Lampard, Tony Hibbert and an American fellas wrists being made of paper mache, all conspired against us and made us curse our luck as we shared the tube with Chelsea fans keen to beat the rush home and nip off before they lift the cup, spoilt cunts. It's been slowly but surely downhill ever since, with some dissenting voices claiming its the best we could ever have hoped for with the financial restraints we've been under for what now feels like forever.




In Chelsea's last 3 games they've conceded none and scored 13, and look to be ironing out what looked like a horrendous shitstain of bad form right down the middle of this seasons underpants. From looking unplayable at the start of the season, they went on this mad run of form which ominously coincided with Ray Wilkins departure. ''Those bastard billionaire owners eh? How dare he sack Ray....£52 million bid for Aguero and Godin from Atletico you say?......he's alright is Roman''. It seems they've picked up their continental trollies from the dry cleaners now though and couldn't wish to visit Goodison at a more hospitable time for opposition teams.

It really will take something special from Everton to overcome Chelsea on saturday. No relying on County road rocket fuel to roar us to victory either, the 12:30 kick off was a real pisser when it was released and it has put paid to that slim vein of hope for most toffees. Everton may have Jagielka back but look decidedly gummy when going forward, with now only 2 and a half strikers on the books. Tim Cahill, our only talisman of sorts, has helped his country get to the Asia Cup Final and will miss it, the flamin galaa. Can you get FA Cup heroes on free transfers these days? I heard Jeremie Aliadiere is free.

Fuck all this negativity though, this is the FA Cup and more importantly this is Everton, its not like were not used losing our best players. Ball, Lineker, Ferguson, Rooney, Pienaar and many more will come and go as well as incompetent boardrooms and we'll all still be there in spirit and in our armchairs.

People toying with the idea of jibbing it this weekend need to have a look at themselves and work out whether they can afford it or not, if you can, get there, your club needs you.



...and we need a hero.

Up the toffos.

Everton 2 West Ham 2 - Match Report

At what point do you write a season off... When you think the players look like they have? When you start to think Europe is finally beyond your team? When you get knocked out of all cup competitions? For the second time in a week Everton drew 2-2, yet this time they were at home and could consider themselves very lucky to come away with anything at all.

After the derby, the players, manager and fans were justified in feeling a little hard done by after getting their noses in front at Anfield, this weekend though it was a completely different matter. A hard working West Ham team who are propping up the rest of the top flight came to Goodison and made it difficult for anybody not aware of their respective league placings, to decipher which one of the teams was actually bottom of the league before kick off.



David Moyes stuck with the team which had performed valiantly in the derby, in the second half anyway and was rewarded with a limp, flacid and impotent performance from his team. Note the descriptive words used in that last sentence, very apt Im sure you'll agree for the gang of lifeless pricks they did well to impersonate yesterday afternoon.

Jonathan Spector had put the visitors ahead mid way through the first half, with a smooth attacking break from the edge of Everton's penalty area. There was a depressing inevitability about it all as the toffee's snatched and rushed a handful of early oppurtunities down the other end of the field. The Irons were unfortunate not to double their lead only minutes later when Piquionne hit the post with a header, then he had to watch the ball roll excruciatingly along Tim Howards goal line and out of play. Pull your fucking fingers out Blues.



Scott Parker as initially first feared came and dominated a midfield using industry and guile in equal measure. The type of purposeful display you expect from a certain Basque professional football player who has not been seen in L4 for nigh on 6 months now. Worrying really, considering he is the highest paid employee of Everton Football Club.

Ringing the changes in the second half David Moyes brought on Louis Saha for Jermaine Beckford and Bilyaletdinov for the slothful Anichebe. The question needs to be asked that if Saha was fit enough for the bench, would he not have been fit enough to start, then removed once goosed, for a big bully of a player(ha!) like Anichebe, to come on to finish the job? Maybe he was rewarding them collectively for drawing a derby, who knows? The changes seemed to have done the trick however when Fellaini, now playing as the second striker, nodded the ball down for ''that fuckin Russian'' to web in the equaliser with his weaker right peg.

The big push for the win never really materialised though, when in a bonkers last 15 minutes, West Ham pretty much sauntered up the other end, Scott Parker and Wayne Bridge combining beautifully to whip in a cross, which Piquionne did very well to flick home with not long left on the clock. The big daft get, who'd just been booked for kicking out at Bily a minute earlier, then decided to whip off his shirt and crowd surf with a gang of delirious east enders in the Bullens Road. ''Yaw orf moi san...''.

Using the one man advantage, Everton pushed and probed manically at the visitors box with a flurry of high balls punted up to the imperious big haired Belgian lad. This was our most promising period of play according to Moyes, a record signing, lanky 6ft + midfielder being forced up front to conjure up scraps for his colleagues to feed off. As it was, he ended up doing it all himself, wonder how long he'll enjoy doing that for? Latching onto one of his own knock downs, he managed to barge past two defenders and swept in a late, late, extremely fortuitous equaliser.



So as we sit here furiously picking the bones out of what constitutes another missed oppurtunity at home to a team you would expect to get all three points from, and a season which as each game goes by seems to get harder and harder to stomach given the frenzied pre season optimism. Moyes and his merry men are off to Tenerife or Lanzarote  or some-frigging-where to sun themselves for a week, hopefully for a bit of inspirational Kareoke. Wonder how much that's costing a club which seemingly cant afford even one loan signing?

Get.To.Fuck.Everton.

West Ham Preview

Along come West Ham. Seemingly rudderless, O'neill-less, Allerdyce-less West'ammmmmmm Yurnoited. Im struggling to work out whether this is a good time to play these or not. Im leaning towards probably after they've been jibbed by all and sundry over the last week for a managerial position that was still filled. I feel for them a bit, Im no plucky Hammer, but can you honestly imagine your club, steeped in tradition, Kendall Harvey Ball, your very own Everton, being owned by these two?



An increasingly voiciferous section of Everton's support these days continue to call for change at the very top of the club, possibly for changes sake, who knows? Im not entirely sure people are fully aware of the uncertainty that could bring. Yes, it's tediously depressing to reach each transfer window, be it close season or in January, without a pot to piss in.... by the way, could they have picked a more depressing month to have to endure every other team in the league being linked with your better players? I mean you're there after Christmas and New Year feeling ropey anyway, poking and tutting at your gut, spying your bank balance, trying to eat better, then Jim White on Sky Sports News cheerily tells you Redknapp is tapping up Evertons entire first team, innocently of course. Sometimes it just feels like Everton were never gonna be cut out to play the Sky game with the other big boys, anyway back to the point... would you swap the relative stability we have at the moment with our pertinacious yet realistic board and manager working in unison, for what West Ham seem to be going through? No ta.
Gold, Sullivan and Brady figuratively tickling the balls of Big Sam and Martin, right under the nose of the leagues now super stooge, Avram Grant. It stinks basically. Old school meddling owners of football clubs were here long before the new breed of foreign cry arsing instant results billionaires. One thing is for sure though, the moment Kenwright et al started choosing David Moyes playing or coaching staff for him or courting other managers behind his back(never mind tickling the balls of), is the moment him and Everton would be no more, be careful what you wish for etc etc, ask our cuddly brethren across the way how that can work out for you.


Steven Pienaar's gone. Are there any Evertonians actually left who are genuinely emotionally effected by players jibbing us these days? We'll miss the talented little braided get thats for sure, particularly his partnership with Leighton Baines. People will continue to question the integrity of his move to Spurs, but fundamentally he honoured his entire contract with us(sort of) and leaves David Moyes with almost exactly what he paid Borussia Dortmund for him 4 years ago, so he can go and unearth another little gem just like him....stop laughing at the back!....seriously though, you'll struggle to find a harder working and more skillful player combined, to pull on the royal blue for some time, thanks for the memories Peenutz(sic).

What of the actual playing staff at West Ham though? It was only 4 league games ago that we went down there and stunk the Boleyn out playing no recognised strikers, but luckily managed to come away with a point. Seems quite long ago dunnit? Obinna and Piquionne are two mobile young forwards who've both been linked with the blues before they signed for the Irons, who no doubt could cause you problems when on song and everybody knows about the threat that captain Scott Parker poses. Not forgetting uber snide Luis Boa Morte in case the game needs that added injection of complete and utter twattery to spice up proceedings.


So then, since last playing them and adopting a different approach to our game from the outset and after an impressive second half display in derby and with these rooted to the foot of the table (ha! 2 wins away from all conquering Everton), we should snot them yes? Im gonna go out on a limb here and say that if we dont achieve anything other than a home win on Saturday afternoon, be it of the thunderous and comprehensive twatting out of sight variety or even the meek and fortuitous in off Beckfords 'biffins bridge' one niller. This season can well and truly get to fucking Frodsham.

Onwards and Upwards Toffeemen, no excuses.

Liverpool 2 Everton 2 - Match Report

'Everton Spoil The Party' sings the Liverpool Echo this morning. Kenny Dalglish's return to Anfield didnt go the way some people hoped it seems. One of the few things i was genuinely worried about in the run up to the derby, was the atmosphere that can be generated in their gaffe on occasions like this, and the pessimist inside me felt that a few or all of our players may freeze like a bang to rights adolescant being caught with a crumpled copy of 'RAZZLE' in one hand and his....you get the picture. Either way after after Somersets and Belfasts finest had cleared their throats and put their erections away, the famous Anfield atmosphere didnt really seem to get going. Phew...



In what represents a decent point away from home for the toffees, it still feels like it was two points dropped. The first half was a typically scrappy affair with Liverpool looking marginally more assured of themselves on their home turf, utilising the continantally hateful Fernando Torres's pace on the counter attack to good effect. Dirk Kuyt clearly hates us too and absolutely relishes games against Everton, fair play to the butt ugly frigger too, so he should. He doesnt even have to endure any more 'Sloth' shouts from Everton fans these days either, due to Marty Feldman-a-like Jay ''fucking hell is he, like, ok?'' Spearing has stole his thunder.



The first goal in a derby is always important and there was a feeling yesterday that maybe this was going to be even more pertinent than usual. The goal itself came mid way through the first half after some good work from Glen Johnson down the left hand side for Liverpool, yep...that did actually happen. Tim Howard parried the resultant headed effort from Kuyt and his close range rebound, but he couldnt do shite all about the ball fortuitoisly dropping to Raul Meireles and him firing home the proverbial rip snorter through the advancing Baines and Everton defence. Here we go again... or so we thought. The rest of the half ebbed and flowed like any derby would and it is worth acknowledging that for the first time in years, although he got a handful of little decisions wrong, Phil Dowd managed to keep a lid on things throughout getting all the majors decisions/talikng points right and more importantly, keeping 22 players on the pitch. Good on him i say, still wouldnt go in the trap after him though, no way.

It all felt a bit deja vu at half time, ''fancy getting off if they score again?'' etc etc, depressing stuff, another oppurtunity wasted and all that, ''ah well, they may surprise us...who knows eh?''. Then quite inexplicably, within a minute of the restart, we won a corner which Arteta floated to the back post and Sylvain Distin who hadnt had the best of halves in the opening forty five minutes, planted his glorious shaven light bulb shaped head on the ball. Get in, and indeed game on. The goal gave Everton a real lift and they began to show what they are capable of doing to teams when they play the high tempo passing game that Moyes likes his teams to exhibit. A punt from the back was flicked on by a resurgent Anichebe, who in this 10-15 minute spell made a real nuisance of himself and also had the haters and boo boys from the other week looking a little bit silly. He flicked it onto Leon Osman who's close control was absolutely exquisite, if Berbatov did that for United we'd be seeing replays of it all season. Who in turn squared it to Jermaine Beckford who managed to curl the ball beyond Reina whilst falling backwards onto his arse. Pandemonium.org.



Tending to shin injuries in the away section, Evertons fans watched as the team grew in stature again after pushing themselves in front and seemed to be in full control of the game. Something it's fair to say we havent done at Anfield for as far back as i can remember anyway. For me, this was down to David Moyes, from his positive team selection at the start, after being shorn of two of his most gifted players in Pienaar and Saha to his substitutions, it felt like he'd finally realised what he had to do be in with a chance of winning a derby on unfamiliar territory, he was being proactive rather than reactive and generally reminding us all of why deep down we all love him so much. How long would that last for? Frig off Bloosers. Tim Howard having one of his better days, had no other choice but to go for a ball that was breaking for Maxi Rodriguez in the box, in front of they baying and hooting famous kop, they clashed, Liverpool penalty, Kuyt slotted, 2-2.

Moyes not content with a point, made three positive changes trying to force the issue. Although it seemed to unsettle the balance of the team slightly, he can comfort himself with the fact that theplayers are now pulling together and seem to be serious about turning around the stuttering campaign we've had to endure so far this season.

A home loss to Big Sam Allerdyce's West Ham anybody? C'mon Everton, these really are shite.

So it's upon us then, the second derby of the season, coming a bit earlier in the calendar than the last few years. After putting on a performance and beating Spurs the other week, then comprehensively teabagging Scunny away in the cup, you'd fancy us against those twats at the moment wouldnt you?....WOULDNT YOU.


At the time of writing, they've just dipped to Blackpool at Bloomfield rd. After heroically(sic) losing to an oh so scurrilous Manchester United side(and Howard Webb) and also unbelievably at the laugh a minute, Ronaldinho chasing, Chicken farming, Blackburn Rovers previous to that. Which rounds off an undignified end to Roy Hodgsons reign and a veritable shitstorm(pun intended) of a start to King Kenny Dalglish's second coming of red cardinal militia. They wont lose 4 games on the trot will they?

If, and it's a big if, Moyes gets his selection right like he did against Tottenham last week(no surprises, 2 up top, defending from the front - hark! hark! an internet manager is born), and he goes for it, something i dont think we've seen from Moyes at Anfield thus far, it is more than feasible to expect Everton to be able to cope with anything Liverpool throw at them. Torres and Reina aside we have nothing to fear from a side who have been rightly shorn of their talis man - Steve 'GET IN YOU BYUTAAYYY' Gerrard through suspension. We've even been handed somebody who is widely accepted to be the best english ref, to officiate the proceedings.

And what wacky proceedings they shall be...hooting, hollering and howls of derision will be the order of the day, with the odd Keats quoted bed sheet thrown in.



Seriously though, it's going to be everything you laugh, piss and moan about on Sunday at Anfield. Banners, flags, scarfs, songs and cornishmen. Anybody who was lucky/mad enough to get a ticket, myself included, knows exactly what to expect.

In some ways, as is most often the case for my generation of Evertonians, you'd probaby take a point away at the slag heap. This time though theres a vulnerability about them and what feels genuinely like our biggest chance in god knows how long to do the double over them.

The players and manager need look no further than the motto emblazened across their collective bosom for inspiration, ''NIL SATIS NISI OPTIMUM'' it reads, possibly the only bit of inspirational latin in the stadium on Sunday not enthusiatically daubed onto something using instructions from the internet.

 Or a swift ''dont you dare go and see your fucking arses here again, not this time...'' from Jimmy Martyn would do.



Onwards Evertonians.

Sunderland - Match Report

Did he really just miss that?.......''I like Everton, they're definitely one of the better teams in the league, they've been in the premier league since day dot and thats what we've aimed for and I think were getting there'' - Steve Bruce. Errr yeah, sorry about the errrrm.... ''Giant Cauliflower head'' jibe and that pal. Its almost December and Everton are in 14th position and and Sunderland are in 7th. Nice to get sugar coated pleasantries from managers after games and that, but another games rumbled by and it's a case of what might have been, damn you and your tattooed neck Jermaine, damn you.

On a positive note, it was nice to get some sort of performance from the side even if the result didnt reflect our marginal dominance. Did i just type that? Dont worry, i know what i mean. This purposeful contest between two well matched teams sparked into life after just 6 minutes, when Leighton Baines swept in a veritable peach of a cross right onto the most lauded Antipodean bronzed fod in the game. GOALSCORE! Almost before any of us could start reaching for our Cahill 1-0 betting slips to check we'd written it down right, Bouid-Budd....Beudw.....err Zenden, did a decent (fattish)Lionel Messi impression and left Pienaar flat on his arse and Baines(on corners now too!) a little bit confused before cutting back for Welbeck to stab home at the near post. 
Ah well, loads of time to put it right, c'mon Blues. Cahill had another header cleared off the line by the annoying, pre-pubescant, canine faced Henderson before the referee finally blew up for half time and probably a welcome respite from a growing Sunderland threat. Unsurprisingly, the most stark contrast in the game was the two teams forwards lines. Every ball passed back towards Distin, Jagielka or Howard was feverishly chased down by either Darren Bent or Danny Welbeck, which seemed to fire up their team mates for the cleared second ball, the home support to put our players under a bit of pressure and generally to lead from the front. Whereas with Everton, Saha continued contributing almost frig all, the odd defensive header apart, it's hard to actually pinpoint exactly what he's bringing to the side at the moment. He genuinely offers no attacking threat at all, none, nothing, nowt. 

The second half got underway, with Everton shading possession in the opening exchanges  and generally flattering to deceive. Predictably these days though, Cattermole released an offside Kieran Richardson down the right to possibly whip in an even better cross than Baines for Cahill in the first half. Welbeck, who looks like that Giraffe in Madagascar who Ross off friends does the voice for, jumped highest and weighted his header nicely to lob the advancing Howard and Everton defenders. Ah well, loads of time to put it right, c'mon Blues. 
And they did. The changes were made, Saha off for Yakubu and Heitinga off for Beckford. With it immediately putting Sunderland on the back foot, Everton passed it neatly, like they can, in threatening areas, like they can, just awaiting someone to WEBB IT purposefully towards goal, and he did, the swarthy little frigger. Arteta who was quiet and wasteful throughout, hit his shot which caught a wicked deflection and evaded the perma apologetic Craig Gordon to level things.

With not long left and both teams not wanting to lose a tightly fought affair, things became a little more cautious with defences sat deeper and inviting a bit of pressure onto themselves. Sunderland's final effort came from Welbeck looking for his hatrick, he seemed to snatch at the ball when he should have squared to a completely unmarked Bent who could have tapped it home if he liked, leaving the large away support mopping their brows and thinking a point now is just fine by them..............until, with barely seconds left in added on time, Jagielka punted the ball forward to Beckford, who cleverly held off his man, timed his run to perfection and bared in one on one with a petrified looking, already committed scotsman, inexplicably though, rather than just poking it over him, he conspired to welly a rising drive up and over the bar, for what would have been a vital 3 points for him and his team, not to mention a place amongst the hearts of some of his hard to please detractors. Who in this instance will tell you he missed that cos he's shite, and thats it. Rather than it possibly being something to do with him not getting hardly any time on the pitch, with a strike partner natch. 

Two up front against West Brom please Dave, three points wouldnt go amiss either.

Sunderland at home - Match Preview

 
 
Off we go to The Stadium of Light then, lying in 16th position, a point off the bottom three and a win away from the top half of the table. As has consistantly been said, it's been a weird old season thus far, with back to back wins from any frigger putting them into contention for something, be it staying up, Europe, Champions League, the title....delete as applicable.

Sunderland will probably be quite happy with their season, where, apart from being comprehensively snotted by their closest rivals at St James park, have strung a few decent games together and sit in 7th after handing out their own snotting last week, to the League Champions no less. Bah!

Old Chod Head himself, Steve 'Cauliflower' Bruce, has a bit of knack of picking up decent players from relative obscurity and seemeingly turning them into a running, tackling, goal scoring adverts for other ''bigger'' clubs, which was all very well at Wigan, but now he's at a side who's supporters(and owners may it be noted) probably wouldnt stand for any of that, well, not like it very much anyway. Either way, his mangerial style seems to be quite suited to the team he's at these days.

You cant argue with some of the players he's picking at the moment who are doing the business for him. Eyebrows a plenty were raised when Asamoah Gyan arrived for a club record fee, with simplistic bordering on racialist whispers of him being ''an athelete'' not ''a Goalscorer'' has him sat on 3 times as many goals as Everton entire forward line. Ah well, the real stickler in their side is always Darren Bent, who could return tonight from injury by the way. 

You look at him and his record at every team he's played for and think ''Shitting Hell Everton, we could have had that twat for frig all...'', im referring to the time were incidentally, another vegetable headed fellow called Joe, apparently offered him to the blues for a bag of used Bellefield balls. Suffice to say, he's the type of centre forward Everton are crying out for, with Yakubu and Saha being two of the most enigmatic, lazy, talented footballing conundrums that have ever wore the Royal Blue.

In terms of our injuries, we've got one or two ourselves and Fellaini is serving the second of his 3 match ban. But when you look at it, especially with the record we have against them in the last few years, 10 wins in 12, you still think a sneaky little away win isnt out of the question even with the way we are playing. It wont be easy though, the likes of Cattermole, Onuha, Henderson and Wellbeck will make us work for it, but come on Everton, let's do these.

It would be nice to see Moyes not trying to be too cute with his team selection as well tonight, knowing and putting his strongest team out(stop laughing at the back!) and possibly being a bit more proactive with his substitutions should it be needed. 

A win tonight then what on paper looks like a home banker(yikes!) against West Brom on the weekend would be just the welcome we need for Landon Donovan's mid season arrival from The Galaxy....YER WHA? Like I said, lets do these.

Arsenal at home - Match Report

Oh well, it looks to have been a bit of an expensive week for Everton, two reasonably winnable home games, 1 point. Some of us go on sardonically about what Everton will turn up week on week, it feels like we've had a bit of everything this week in weird little patches spread over 180 minutes, more of the 'Shite Everton' as it happens. 

I've always had a bit of a soft spot for Arsenal in years gone by, you know, a bit like Everton...realistic fans(honest!), traditional family club, lovely old ground (before they moved to 'The Grove'...oh do fuck off), not to mention giving me the dearly held memory of an 8 year old me watching in utter delight my elder brother and dad wind-milling around our living room when it was ''up for grabs now'' at Anfield that memorable evening in '89. Fuck off McMahon.

But for anything up to 10 years now, they have become harder and harder to stomach due to a continental knack of being dead easy on the eye when stroking the ball about to each other, but unfortunately it comes at a price, theirs being that they're a bunch of time wasting, cryarsing, ref baiting bell wipes. Dont get me started on their fans either, the wacky japesters that they are, their repetoire of anti scouse bile seems to grow season on season.

Ultimately, Everton werent very good against Arsenal, we had a chance to comfortably move up the table a few places with a win, maybe more realistically though, a point would of been nice and certainly not outside the realms of possibility against a team who we have had some favourable results against of late. As it was, the first half ebbed away with very little momentum or incident from Evertons point of view, there was a niggly little snide off between Heitinga and Fabregas to see who might get sent off first, maybe a bit of leftovers from the World Cup? Who cares really. Maybe Howard Webb did? I'll get to him in a minute, the bad baldy fraud. 

Everton's best and only real chance of the opening exchanges came from that man again Seamus Coleman, he is starting to embaress some of his more experienced team mates with his commitment and attitude whenever and whererever he is asked to play, surprisingly, this isnt a slant on Bily, far from it, its the likes of Arteta and Saha who need to start doing the basics right, how that orange headed get managed to avoid being dropped after his Bolton display is a question only Moyes seems to have the answer to...anyhoo i digress....he took the ball from his own half and ran full pelt with it, outstripped a sprinting Fabregas in the process, cut back a near perfect cross, then Cahill seemed to uncharacteristically mistime his jump and head over, the biff, all he does is score and miss open goals you know.

Arsenal seemed to grow in confidence after that and used a mixture of possession, time wasting and moaning at the ref to take the wind out of Everton's limp makeshift sails. The impressive Samir Nasri had a shot parried by Tim Howard, who pushed the ball away to his left, the only person awake to it was Arshavin, who cut a ball back to Sagna who smashed it past Jagielka and Distin in their p.j.'s sipping Ovaltine, sloppy.

It would have been nice to see a spirited fightback from Everton after they came out in the second half, as it turned out though, they just seemed prepared to let Arsenal tire them out and carry on doing what they had been doing in the first half. Rodwell came on for Heitinga for what looked like a positive move by Moyes, even though the dutchman had been promising, he was treading a fine line with the overly officious, fussy, look at me and my atheletic yet bald physique ex-south yorkshire police man(just saying like!), is this phoney genuinely the best this country has to offer? He always panders to the monied champions league monsters of footballing rock, consistantly get's all the big decisions wrong in games and pretty much ruined the world cup final single handedly by lacking any understanding for the occasion, it's a cliche like but he's a typical rozzer, look in the dictionary under ''here y'are sir, have 3 penalty points...'' and his smug kipper will look right back at you. 

Fabregas too, as good as he can be, is reprehensible at times, he looks like the kid in school who had it all, clobber, footy ability, girls but was thick as mince. The sooner he fucks Arsenal off and joins that other gang of crying tarts at Barcelona, the better. Anyway, he swept in what turned out to be the winner, when he finished off an impressive passage of play for Arsenal who tikky takky'd it around a load of flat footed helmets dressed in Royal Blue.

Moyes reacted by throwing on two centre forwards, ''is right Moysie'' we all thought, he then took off Neville and Arteta. Which in regards to Mikel Arteta probably looked the right decision at the time, Neville though? Weird. They lost shape and it completely unsettled what little balance we had in the side beforehand, Coleman, our most potent threat probably all season, never mind on the day, was pushed backwards into the defence, which left Saha, Yakubu and Beckford all wandering about trying out confuse each other about what their roles and/or positions should be. 

The Fightback materialised, as it usually does, where Cahill reacted first and grabbed a consolation in the dying moments of the game, stabbing home the ball after Saha nodded back Pienaar's cross. Fabianski made a couple of half decent saves after the goal most notably from Saha, but in all honesty, it felt like it was beyond Everton all afternoon. 

The season continues to rumble on and we still languish in the bottom half. It's a bloody weird league this year as quite literally everybody seems to be beating each other left right and centre, results that are unexpected but heartening nonetheless basically still leave us with a chance to get our shit together and get a run going and maybe even...whisper it quietly...do something this season, dont hold your breath though lids,lods and ladesses. 

Sunderland away up next, who at the time of writing have just snotted Chelsea off the park at Stamford Bridge, so does this run begin against them or the Baggies the week after? Fuck knows...

Blackpool Away - Match Report

When the fixture list came out in the summer, apart from the usual questions like ''are we at home first, last, boxing day?'' and ''when are the derby games?'', this was the game that was on most Evertonians minds/lips as they eagerly ran their finger down the fixture list for this season.

It would have been just swell to have swaggered down the promenade at the tail end of August...*coughs* Fulham Cunts! *coughs*... or even on a balmy April afternoon....*whispers*....Arsenal Twats!....*splutters*,  but as it turned out, it was gonna have to be a rainy day in November for anybody lucky enough to get themselves a ticket for a game that was last played 30 years ago.

The game itself came on the back of an encouraging point at White Hart Lane, then a roll your sleeves up gritty win versus Stoke which was a throwback to Moyes teams of old, basically a  run of results in which it had you thinking we may have turned a proverbial corner of some description....YER WHA?...as it turned out though, Holloway and his band of honest, completely impossible to hate journeymen, had something else to say about that.
Now given the way they play at home, i.e. scoring in every game there for 29 games on the trot, and generally sticking to their style of play and being well drilled, you could say that a point isnt such a bad result, but if we have any aspirations for Europe this season, never mind staying above our filthy, stinking brethren across the park, it was almost accepted that we should...NAY ....would go there and get 3 points. 

As is far too familiar with Everton under Moyes reign, we had to wait until we had gone behind in order to play some of our better stuff and to actually look like we were capable of taking the game to Blackpool. The opener from Neil Eardley, me neither, was a veritable rip snorter, as every man and his dog expected the tidy looking Charlie Adam (this seasons must have Brian Howard dahhhling) to whip one in with his left peg, as it turned out though, Tim Howard couldnt get across quick enough to deny Blackpool getting their noses in front of what up until this point had been a scrappy affair. 

Everton didnt have to wait long for the equaliser, well 4 minutes to be exact, and who else was it going to be, other than the man who can only score goals, Tim 'Timothy' Cahill, with a trademark header from a tired/disinterested looking Yakubu's center. You've got to love Yakubu, his big smile, his intermittent effortless finishes, Eagle hands etc, but just as were all getting giddy about his last run of games, he goes and puts a shift in like that, whether you claim that it's his style of play or not, he just didnt look bothered, simple as that.
From that point on in the first half, it was pretty much all Everton, with Coleman in particular having loads of the ball down the right hand side and causing the team who he helped promote last season, what could probably be described as a mild amount of mither, if you were a biff like. 

It was also heartening to hear Holloways glowing comments about the ex Sligo Rovers man pre match, about how he would have bitten Moyes's hand off pre season to have him back, but Moyes was adament he would be getting into the first team more and more and he was as good as his word and has stuck him in from the early on in the season. I think its fair to say at this juncture we should be thankful to the likeable wacky bumpkin for believing in him somewhat and bringing out of him what Moyes clearly seen in him in the first place to bring him over from Ireland the other year.

Back to the game anyway, sort of, after just two minutes and queueing at two portakabins with just two frail old dears trying to serve 3000 ballooned Evertonians their pies and then taking our seat, we were behind again. Fuck off Everton. David Vaghan-y (Vaghany, Vaghany, Vaghany's) effort was first of all blocked well by.....errrrm Distin??? christ...despite the two arl bids not serving any ale at half time, the amount sank beforehand does make the memory a bit hazy to say the least,(Ed - Get the frig on with it!), it basically fell rather fortuitously back to him and he duly smashed it right down the centre of the goal, 2-1 Blackpool, Seasiduhhhhs na na nahhhh. 
In completely un-Everton style though, again we went straight back up the other end gamefully, this time the Pit Bull-esque Coleman powering through a couple of challenges to drill one underneath Matt Gilks. As the rain started to absolutey persist it down, Moyes rang the changes, firstly bringing on the ever excellent and unexplainably poo(all at the same time) Louis Saha, to try go for the throats of our hosts, he almost managed it too, after some excellent football from Pienaar down the left initially then picking out the Frenchmans clever run through the middle, Saha seemed to get a weird little tug(not a euphamism) from the covering defender which was enough for him to be put off when clear through and miss the target completely.

After that though, with the rain at almost biblical proportions now, both sides had cause to feel aggrieved by not grabbing the winning goal. It was Evertons other sub Jermaine Beckford, who some felt was unlucky to only get 10 minutes against the type of side he used to snot them in from all angles for fun, wriggled free of two Blackpool players, only to be denied by a last ditch challenge from the covering defender. Marlon Harewood then managed to slot at the other end but was judged to have fouled somebody in the run up to it, replays show he and Blackpool supporters were entitled to feel hard done by, which despite another MOTD hatchet job making us look utter gash not to mention the big baddies throughout, probably ended up making it just about the right result.

Which leaves us up against Bolton on Wednesday then Arsenal on the weekend, both at Goodsion, leaving us with quick oppurtunity to start trying to climb up the table again. Ultimately, i havent a jeffing clue what to expect from either, i guess you'd expect to beat Bolton at home, even with Owen Coyle doing a slightly more ruthless job of what he was trying to do with Burnley. Then you have Arsenal, who have the ability to come and violently bum you out of sight, and/or completely see their collective gallic arses and dip to a sneaky 1-0 win here or there. 

Its a strange feeling going to watch Everton these days knowing were capable of out footballing some of the best teams in the league, yet in the same week are capable of stinking the place out and losing to teams we shouldnt. In fact no it isnt. T'was ever thus.