Manchester City Match Report

There was a definite pang of defiant acceptance and/or pride garnered from a defensive and resolute Everton performance last Saturday. Howard Webb set his stall out early, dishing Yellow cards at will, just like an over eager Bizzie trying to reach his monthly quota of SP30's, the bad fucking baldy melt. So you sort of knew it was only a matter of time before Dam broke and the floodgates opened, with the likes of poor little Leighton Baines trying valiantly to plug it.

   

Nobody wants to get beat by these nu-football bellends and its bloody hard to take positives when you see your team so comprehensively attacked for 90 minutes with virtually no respite or countering. But ultimately, such is the gulf that City's money is creating, it is our only sensible option to go there and man mark, try and grind out a draw or maybe even nick a sneaky goal and win. It is naivety of the highest order to think man for man we are able to go there and try anything else. Up until a player who couldnt sum up his employers anymore with just his knobhead demenour scored a lucky deflected strike, and for what represented three quarters of the game on Saturday, that's exactly what we did, so fair fucks to the players for improving individually upon the West Brom performances and standing up to be counted. We were beaten by a better team, end of story really.



There were some encouraging individual performances for Everton, Jack Rodwell for instance did as well as he could against David Silva throughout, whose absolutely sublime pass, honestly its as good as you will see at least this season (after Drenthe gave the ball away) to James Milner who then slotted, gave the result a shine for which maybe Evertons honesty in the game didn't deserve, I'm not one for Opta Stats, but they don't make for completely horrendous reading. Cahill too toiled and fought hard up top again, as did the likes of Baines, Jagielka and Distin at the other end of the pitch. Hopefully the aforementioned Austrailian will come through a cunt of challenge from Kompany late on to do his annual pantomime villain routine on the Redshite hordes this saturday, doesnt look good though.

The jubilation for which the City fans greeted both goals and the final whistle just goes to show how much it meant for them to beat little old us, its been a while for them afterall, and it is a measure of just how much, whether we like it or not, they know we stand for something completely different in modern football. And it doesn't half irk the wankers.



Lets not get too downhearted, lets look forward to a much more winnable game on Saturday against our closest rivals, not only in geography but as the best of the 'also rans' and give it a right good go from the start. This should represent more closely where we are this season in terms of our expectations.

As previously stated, I certainly would have swapped a City spanking for a Derby win, I'll pass on the Noose for now until Dirk Kuyt nods in a 93rd minute winner at the street end.

Up the toffs.

Manchester City Preview

Off we pop down the M62 to play at The Etihad Stadium then, where we can probably expect to be violently bukkake'd by City and their multi million pound super porno squad. Or will we? We've made a habit of getting good results against these in the last few years. In fact, when they were semi poo/rich(ish) they were doing to us what we seem to be doing to them now, i.e. grinding out results against a so called better side. They claim its our cup final too, the absolute weirdo's.In reality though, I'd probably take an absolute hiding off these beauts right now for a spawny 1-0 win against the shite the week after to be honest, thats our real cup final(sic). Expect loads of this bulbous behaviour:

It'd be reet nice to show these another great team performance, frustrate the fuck out of them and derail their supposed title charge a bit. But i cant help but feel that they look a different prospect this season. The galaxy of overpaid galactico cast off's they're hording seem to have gelled somewhat and are really attacking teams at home. Coming so soon after Wednesdays two hour slog-a-thon against West Brom could have thrown a lethargic spanner in the works for us too, not to mention the law of footballing averages, surely the run will come to an end tomorrow? Who knows, we'll show the jumped up inferiority complexed twats how to celebrate a goal properly though, given half a chance. 'Limbs' etc etc...

Moyes has to go for experience and caution on Saturday, manna from heaven for the ginger one you may think. Out with the youngsters, in with the experienced pros. He's treading a fine line with undermining his own policy of reward for perseverance, hard work and team spirit by going for the likes Saha up front, but he has to ask himself at what point do you give a proven player who you've fell out with a chance to prove you wrong. The squad is thin and almost picking its self, but again there is fine line between ''half decent side that...'' and ''too inexperienced to beat these...''.

Id like to see Moyes go there and play lovely passing football of which we sometimes get a glimpse of, but in reality we have to try and frustrate them, that may mean Neville or Heitinga sitting deep, but needs must. In Tim Cahill, we have another talented utility player who will do whatever he is asked and run through brick walls for the club in games like this and make no mistake, City are absolutely shit scared of him. Jagielka always relishes bigger games like this as well, his distribution may not be tip top, but there a few better backs to the wall centre halves in the league. Baines is absolute class just now. Players like Drenthe too may look at games like this and think its his perfect moment to show the world what he can do. Lets think of the positives eh fellas? Lads?? Hello???

You just never know. I hope we just raise the bar a bit from Wednesday night and get stuck right the fuck into them from the start. Under the complete polar opposite positions both clubs and sets of fans find themselves in these crazy finance driven footballing times, we have absolutely nothing to lose or fear here. Its Manchester ''Cunting'' City for crying out loud, they'll never have what we've got.

UP THOSE GLORIOUS ROYAL BLUE TOFFEEMEN.

West Brom Match Report

''This is a SHITHOWWL, I want to go 'OWMMME...'' sang those plucky boinging baggie bastards after going one up through a second half Chris Brunt penalty, which looked to have knocked Everton out the League Cup. Well lads, you did go home back to the Babylonian environs of West Bromwich, probably about 3 o'clock in the morning, fuming, and out of the fucking thing, twats.



Marouanne Fellaini, after being hoiked up front in a last ditch attempt to save the game, spared the blushes of all the Evertonians who bothered there arse last night, by turning and slotting away a goal out of nothing in the last minute, we were going nowhere and over the 90 minutes probably deserved fuck all from an absolutely dour performance.



Somehow it was even more of a relief, when skipper Phil Neville caressed a left footed drive home after great work by Drenthe down the right hand side just before the restart in extra time, helping us avoid the inevitable penalty heartbreak. It completely masked an evening of frustration for the 17,647 who took advantage of the competitive pricing structure laid on by the club. I'm no 'Statto' like(no shit! goes the cry), but id be interested in knowing whether that was the lowest attendance for a competitive game we've had in say 10 or more years or something? Still, they'll no doubt all be back in the next round when we either draw a bigger team and/or realise we're in with a sniff of getting somewhere. It really is galling to hear people in one breath berating the club for being brassic and then in the next one using things like their own financial plight as an excuse to swerve and early round cup tie, basically because they cant be arsed. Evertonians go the match, Kopites go the pub. Really...?



Almost from one to eleven, the players after flattering to deceive for 15 minutes or so in possession at the start of the game, just didn't know what their jobs were. The system doesnt seem to work no matter what side he puts out. You could be forgiven for feeling optimistic and a touch excited when seeing our attacking lineup, but ultimately it was all but impotent against a sort of West Brom reserve side.

Ross Barkley unfortunately epitomised the performance by playing pretty badly for the whole hour or so he was given. People talk about him in the same company as Rooney when it comes to technique and potential and even the national press are already talking up £20 million pound moves to richer clubs. You just feel though, there is an intrinsic personality difference here, whereas if Rooney did something wrong or made a mistake, he would sort of do that embarrassed touching his nose thing then shrug it off, poor Ross seems to get swallowed up by the responsibility, looks all guilty, then goes to pieces.
Still, at home, and playing behind just one untested centre forward, who doesnt speak a word of the Queens is never gonna be an easy task, especially with Dorrans, Brunt and Olsson (not a an Outer Hebridean folk act) trying to kick fuck out of you.


Stracqualursi will hopefully get used to the pace of things and improve his fitness over time, but there were a few glimpses of desire and positioning which gave you heart. The only two players who i though came out with any credit were Baines and Jagielka, possibly Drenthe. Mainly because they weren't afraid to keep on trying and not go missing when we went one down. Mucha unfortunately looks cack and was bang to rights for the pen. Thats it really. The whole performance and game produced little we didnt already know, other than were still very capable of raising it one week and monumentally fucking it up the next.

What we need now is a confidence boosting game against one of the leagues cannon fodder. Wheres that fixture list?

West Brom Carling Cup Preview

News of an improved mortgage deal for Evertons next two years television rights has whipped up chronic Bunion-ism in some before tonight's all premier league clash in the Carling cup. Couple that with a bizarre screenshot of some Experian report of Evertons doing the rounds on Twitter, its hard to see just when the conspiracy theorists will give up the ghost on trying to de-rail a promising start to the season for the Super Blue Toffeemen. Feast your eyes:


WEIRD.

West Brom inflicted a somewhat surprise arse tanning on us in November last year, when the now departed Roberto Di Matteo brought his charges to Goodison, who in turn handed out a bit of a footballing lesson to us, during which Louis Saha utterly stunk the whole of Walton out. Aaaaah our Louis, he who is breathtaking one minute and he who can justifiably be monikor'd ''THATS ONE LAZY FUCKING SHITE THAT'' in the scousest arl fella voice ever. Will he start him? Is this another hasty titty lipped falling out with an established player from Moyes? Who fucking cares?


Coming off the back of a 3-0 defeat to Swansea City, I think we may just have enough to nudge past Hodgson's Baggies side tonight. He certainly gets his teams playing the right way does Woy, well, apart from him and the Orcs last year, what a tremendous appointment that was, if you were to bring out a 'Footballing Dignity Spectrum' and where asked to place a cardboard cut out of Roy and then a picture of the famous Kop Hordes, well, you get the rest. The reverberations of Gnashing Chompers from that particular little Indian Summer of Kopite berating can still be heard rattling round the alleyways of Breck Road and beyond to this day. ''OWT UF IZ DEPT LAD...''



This really does have a potential banana skin feel about it (see the above picture for previous Cup Nemesisisis'esss from last year), we should beat them though, we just should, but the temptation after Saturday is to give a few a rest and let loose the youngsters and loanees, which could maybe be a tad naive. Even if Saha is being a bell just now, id still be positive from the outset(HA!) and bring him back in here maybe alongside Velios, ive got a feeling he'd want to try and make Moyes look like a bit of a moody tit for leaving him out, what do you mean he doesn't have to? A mixture of the first teamers and the a first start of the season for one or two should be enough for us to progress further in a competition which should now be very high in our priorities at the start of every season. Here goes....

-------------------------Howard------------------------

Hibbert-------Heitinga-----------Distin------------Baines

------------------------Neville---------------------------

------Coleman---------Osman------Drenthe--------------

-----------------Velios-------Saha------------------------

With a number of premier league teams dropping out last night and tonight, one or two nice little draws in the next few rounds, then who knows, Moyes and his band of footballing vagrants could be back in Wembley by January.

Were Up For The League and Were Up For The Cup, bum-de-bum-de-bum-bum-bum... Evertons On The Up and Up....dooo doooo doooo doooooooo.

''Curry, Rice n Chips please love''

WIGAN MATCH REPORT

As Liverpool's annual title challenge came to a shuddering stammer filled halt at White Heart Lane, Everton fans were climbing the league by virtue of scratching their collective bollocks whilst pointing and laughing heartily at a television screen. Talk about magic tricks and being able to make £100 million pounds disappear so fucking quick without making a blind bit of difference. All hail the return of the King and lets laugh along with those loveable feather spitting red men. 

 

So what of the performance then, it was a bit shit really wasn't it? Wigan under Martinez are a dream come true these days, gone are the meatheads under the likes of Steve Bruce and in come the polite, ball playing youngsters. I like Martinez and the way he seems to ask his sides to play but they aren't half  gang of soft touches. You can only beat what's in front of you and stuff but there was a lot of huffing an puffing against these. As with most games these days, it began with us going one down.

 

Franco Di Santo, Wigans number 9, a proper number 9, with a head like an up turned Butternut Squash, was a thorn in our side all afternoon, good feet, good in the air, Physical. I may have 'Football Observing Dyslexia' here, but i could've sworn he was 4ft4 about a year or two ago when playing for Chelsea? Anyway, he's enormous. Leon Osman who was  at the heart of most of the good things we did all afternoon, criminally stood off the Brazilian this time and was almost held at bay like Scrappy Doo is when he's punching thin air, he turned, he webbed, he scored. Fuck off Everton.

 

Seconds later though, after a restart, Phil Jagielka was keeping up with the cartoon theme by doing some sort of weird Donald Duck dance in front of the main stand after heading in a rebound from a Tim Cahill header onto the bar. This is where the huffing and puffing seemed to start. You can argue that with no recognised striker on the field, defenders will have an easy shift when it comes clearing any aerial threat or presence up top. But there a few better players out there in the air than our antipodean heart throb, so what gives? Im plumping for the old 'instinct' excuse. As great as he is and as hard as he works, Cahills instinctive way of playing the game will not be that of a recognised striker who has probably played that position all his life. The positions they take up, the channels they run, the physicality they can impress upon the 

opposition which makes them lose concentration. 

 

It took Moyes until almost the 60th minute to start ringing these positive changes to his side that ultimately won Everton the game comfortably(ish). Bilyaletdinov, who most people at the club want desperately to succeed, is two years into his transitional period and just doesn't look like threatening the first team when everybody is fit, horribly under par again. With Baines clearly not trusting his team mate in that position with the ball half of the time, hopefully moneybags Makalakala FC from Russia or wherever they're from, can come in and save everybody a bit of face, because unfortunately it just doesn't look like it will change any time soon. On came Drenthe for Bily as did his fellow sub Velios not long after for a surprisingly below par Coleman.

Wigan had a few half chances, but the game was changing and Everton were pushing the visitors now. Rodwell could consider himself lucky to be over looked when Moyes was ringing his changes as the youngster was almost completely anonymous all afternoon. The final sub was Stracqulursi in the 83 minute, two recognised strikers on the pitch, hark! hark! With two big fuckers up top occupying the defenders minds Tony Hibbert curled in one absolute peach of a ball, one of those that just needs a deftest of flicks off the fod, anybody's fod, Velios provided it, get in. Ferguson-esque. We wont mention his piss weak effort moments earlier where it would have struggled to trouble a Mole in a pair of Sondico goalie gloves, no we wont mention that.

 

All that was left then was a final layer of gloss to be applied by a stupidly confident finish by Royston 'Ricky' Drenthe, who surely has to start against our first real test of the season at Eastlands next weekend. In between then and now, hopefully we can counsel a clinically 'destroyed' Louis Saha off his iPhone and ask him to inspire us to the next round of the Carling Cup on Wednesday.

 

Up those glorious Toffeemen.

Wigan Preview

A slightly depressing precursor to Saturdays game are the early murmurings being dished out by David Moyes of a Fellaini exit  in January(i.e. his value plummeting in the final 18 months of his contract). Apparently his contract negotiations are stalling and the Everton boss is having to field questions from ''exclusive'' craving hacks about Arteta's exit to Arsenal on deadline day setting a precedent to the other players about our clubs ambitions. When in actual fact, if the player doesn't sign, which he doesn't have to, he like Steven Pienaar owes Everton more or less fuck all and holds all the aces in this stalemate. Its still a pretty shitty thing to do like, but themz the breaks in this obscenely rich world we all pour so much blind emotion into day to day. So basically, expect to see him in a different colour shirt come February the first. It was a pleasure Marouanne, but you like the rest of them, are a biff, nowt more. Oh and your arl fella is bad, bad tit too.

After the Villa performance(and its atmosphere) it is fair to say we can be optimistic and looking to beat these, it'll either go one of two ways, the continued ''backs against the wall'' attitude will filter through from the fans divided onto the pitch and inspire the team to shag the living daylights out of Wigan or, as we have a propensity to do from time to time, things will be stony silent up until a Hugo Rodallega opener on '74 minutes which we could well dip to.

If the ongoing silence around Saha and his mystery problem dont clear up, expect more of Tim Cahill up front with Leon Osman ploughing a furrow(whatever the frig that may be) behind him. It seemed to work quite well against Villa but you cant help but think it'll run out of steam and idea's if this is going to be our only option for a run of games. I hope im proved wrong, but the thought of this being our only option at the likes of Old Trafford, Stamford Bridge and whisper it quietly Eastlands later in the season doesn't really bare thinking about, it will be bread and butter to some of the better defences in the league having to face up against those two no matter how honest to goodness and hard-working they are. The campaign for a Velios and STRACQ-I-GOL front pairing starts here. Anybody for a march?

If we want to beat these, which we absolutely can remember. Its hard to believe were only three games in when you hear some of the ingrained negativity ooze-ing out of the pores of the doomsmiths amongst us, I reckon we've got to see a bit of daring-do from our great ginger leader. After the short but purposeful cameo from Royston Drenthe last week, you would hope it would be enough for Moyes to go with him from the start. The Dutchman was clearly inspired by the crowd and is eager to impress and to be honest i think the fans need something like this from the beginning of games to get them behind the team, on too many occasions games slip away from us in a lingering fug of apathy due to another conservative line up from the start at home. So lets be fucking having you tomorrow Davie, no fucking about.

Whilst ive got you, if you've got a spare few quid lying about, download everyones favourite balding physio Mick Rathbones autobiography 'The Smell of Football' on your Kindles, failing that go out and buy an actual physical copy of it. Whichever way you read it, what you're getting is a sensitive, very funny and distinctly different insight into professional football at many levels. In no uncertain terms, after reading it im fairly sure ''Baz'' is partly responsible for the great team spirit that still courses through our first team and beyond, the guys career with us dovetails un-coincidentally with a resurgence in our fortunes(and a dip since he left?...I'll leave that to you). It also gives you a timely reminder of the many positives David Moyes brings to our great club(if you need them) and even leaves the very last word to a certain Duncan Ferguson. Its genuinely a must read for Evertonians.

Up the sodding Toffles!

Aston Villa Match Report

Everton were left to rue some poor refereeing decisions and a glut of missed chances when gobshite speedster Gabriel Agbonlahor nodded in a late equaliser to share the spoils at a nicely raucous Goodison. There was definitely something in the air pre game, a bit of needle if you like, was it the horrific free Milkshakes they were handing out or was it the boistrous Blue Union march? It could even have been the surreal presence of a scary as fuck clown holding a birthday cake that did it. More than likely, it is the increasingly fractious relationship between pro and anti Blue Union'ers that did it.


Moyes predictably ignored the claims of the inexperienced Stracqulrsi or Velios from the start and gave the nod to Cahill up top with Leon Osman behind him, and to be fair it worked quite well. Cahill set up Osman for a tap in after a bright start by the team who were clearly inspired by the atmosphere. They certainly did little to suggest they missed the influence of Mikel Arteta anyhow, with some high tempo football creating a flurry of chances that almost come off for them, Rodwells deflected effort and two Jagielka headers being the closest. Things looked like to be a formality as the first half drew to a close, with Fellaini in particular clearly relishing the chance to flourish in the absence of the once lauded Basque.


The second half began with more of the same from Everton as Barry Bannan, a wee Hobbit of a player, gave away a stonewall penalty as you are likely to see, Baines being the player he is though, tried game-fully to keep going and the ref failed to point to the spot. The bad posturing tithead. That was the clincher right there, 2-0 up and able to lower the tempo a bit, you would argue Everton may have been able to take the heat out of things and gone on to win, as it was though they criminally stood off the sallow skinned snide that is Stilian Petrov and were punished with a barnstorming Bulgarian equaliser. ''Fuck Off Kenwright!''.

The referee made amends for his earlier penalty howler, when he awarded Everton another stonewaller just 5 minutes after Villas equaliser. Leighton Baines who was toe curlingly under supported all afternoon by an out of position Bilyaletdinov, calmly slotted home to put the game back in the hands of the superior hosts. Games against these beauts though, seem to always have a bit of a sting in the tail. This time it was a great cross by Albrighton in the 83rd minute that evaded the 6 foot odd Everton defenders and landed square on the short arse light bulb head of Agbonlahor.


Ah well, plenty to be positive about, a heartwarming round applause for Bill Kenwright when flashed up upon to both screens, interspersed with a few boo's like, but you'd have to be a one eye'd twat of a nazi propaganda officer to claim the support lies anywhere else but at the chairman's door. Fellaini visibly excelling with a new found sense of responsibility. Coleman back and as waspish and direct as ever and Drenthe getting on and looking a tad over eager but with obvious pace and class which could be a huge asset for us this season.

All in all, onwards and upwards Everton. Let's go out and veritably fuck Wigan all over the place.

Up the Toffees!

Aston Villa Preview

The day is almost upon us when a section of our support transmogrify into a fully blown, self important, living and breathing Kopite, after all, ''Its Time For Change, Its Time For Protest...''. Its at this point they all don the extra large Tesco Tee's and make that noise that the Winkie Guards make in The Wizard Of Oz: ''OHHH WEEE OH, OHHHHH OH....'', hold hands and walk from The Spellow to the ground together, all 42 yards of it.
  GET OUT OF OUR CLUB!


Its interesting to see the goalposts shifting with each weeks protest from The Blue Union, they're settling for better dialogue with fans and an interim board being appointed to find a buyer for the club now (rightly scoffed at by the Clubs Chief Exec yesterday), after receiving deserved short shrift and suspicion from the majority of Evertonian observers. Good luck to them and their ''campaign'' and all that, but the whole damn charade is getting ever more toe curling as each public statement is released, not to mention having more than a faint whiff of ''birthright Kopite-ism '' and pre-pubescent B.O. lingering around its members/followers/believers. STANDING ROOM ONLY, they cried! If you are convinced this board is doing wrong by the club and its motto and you vehemently disapprove of their actions, the only way to protest, is to stop giving them your money, don't buy the shirt, don't buy a programme, don't buy a pint, don't go the match. Otherwise you just look like a gratuitously militant blowhard. 


Onto the football. In terms of players available for the Villa game, its looking a wee bit threadbare up top when after some may say Moyes hastily spinning Yakubu and Beckford last week, Victor Anichebe has gone and got injured for Nigeria on the international break too and will be out till christmas, the poor fucker just cant get anything right. No doubt it will be another incident to lampoon Everton's resident Jonah wholeheartedly with when he next pulls on the shirt.





Expect then a 'sooner than probably what David Moyes would have wanted' debut from Denis Stracqualursi or ''STRACA'' as he seems to be getting scouse-ily monikered, because Louis Saha will be tweeting from his mystery virus sick bed, cheers Louis, if ever i need somebody beside me in the trenches mate, ill tweet you and see if you're available. Villa will probably welcome back Darren Bent from injury, who just like Mark Bright or someone else from days of yore, just fucking loves playing against us.The clinical bastard. There was also a scare on international duty for Leighton Baines who was feared to be missing for the game, but that seems to have passed so we may see him and new boy ''R.R.DRENTHE''(me neither) tear-arsing down the left gamely together. WHOOSH!





It'll no doubt be a twat of game. They usually are against these and the Villa fans will crank up the banter to defcon level one million pre/post and during the proceedings, but our new arrivals will bring a sense of intrigue and hope to the minds of those still swilling sweet nectar on their gullets at 2pm, rather than stamping their feet impatiently on Goodison road demanding ''stuff!''. We could have done with pulling together on this one, but lines are being drawn in the sand and the divisions will start to bear their disruptive fruit.


Hopefully the management team and the players can ignore the plight of The Blue Union and its website plugging doomsmiths and concentrate on winning football matches and going home to their surgically enhanced wives and girlfriends to count their dough in their Scrooge McDuck money vaults.


Up the fucking Toffees.

Transfer Deadline Day Wibble

There was a point yesterday evening where most Evertonian's had a spring in their step and a chirp in their throats as David Moyes had landed a moody looking 6ft3 Argentinian centre forward called Denis Stracqualursi who was joint top scorer in the Argentinian league last term, also the first player in 15 years to score a hat-rick at the Bombenera and even more excitingly managed to persuade a supremely gifted but clinically bonkers Royston Drenthe to also join us on loan for the season from Real Madrid. Also shifting Beckford for an irresistible £4.5 million and Yakubu for a bargain basement £1.5million to Leicester and Blackburn respectively. Then Mikel Arteta put in a request to leave the club about 10 bells. Ouch...
                   

A lot will be said about the in's and outs of this deal and whether he did actually ask to go, whether the banks were forcing us to take a couple of million short of what he's actually worth and even whether its been on the cards for a couple of weeks/months. One thing is for sure though, it hurts a wee bit. Arteta over the last 5 - 6 years has been 'Mr.Everton', the one lad we could all be really proud of when he pulled on the blue shirt and at times be utterly majestic and an absolute pleasure to watch.


It could be argued that his best days are behind him and he has never been the same since the injury up at Newcastle, its also got a touch of the Andy Johnson deal about it in so much that in 6 months time he'll be worth half of what we've got for him, on the wrong side of 30 and still picking up his enormously generous 75k a week wedge. The thing is though, losing somebody so influential when at their best for a song, just isnt easy to swallow, especially for the youngsters. It's a sure-fire sign of our perilous financial position that we cant keep our most treasured players who are safely within their contracts and probably on the decline and just put them out to pasture, you know like Liverpool are about to do with Gerrard. It was the ease with which Arsenal did it as well.


Still, stiff upper lip and all that, thanks for the memories Mikel, you gave us the best years of your career(whilst not injured), at times you were truly spell binding(usually out wide, not in the middle), neither can we begrudge you a chance to play in the Champions League that so many of you and your contemporaries hold so fucking dear to your hearts(bet your diving and cheating will get worse) and we wish you all the best in the future.

5 Arteta Things: 


1. This goal literally rocking Goodison against Fiorentina
2. His ''Bromance'' with Cahill
3. This free kick versus Villareal
4. Running to the Palace fans after his first Everton goal, the daft tit.
5. His missus.


''There was nobody better''....for a bit like.

Adios Amigo.