CHELSEA CARLING CUP MATCH REPORT

So probably our best chance of silverware this season and the likely European football that comes with it, has gone begging yet again. In a cup competition which has evaded us since our inception and one that represents a catalogue of failures since David Moyes has been in charge, left all that braved last night soul searching as to how in the name of Rod Belfitt we didnt manage to get past a weakened Chelsea team after they went down to 10 men.

Its difficult to know exactly how to judge last nights performance as there was flashes of brilliance from the likes of Fellaini and Drenthe, (mad that innit?....two players linked with Chelsea in the past play out their skin against them?), then signs of complete inept clownery from a want-away goalkeeper who thinks he should be getting a chance and yet more bemused indecisive decision making from our much loved manager.



The game itself bizarrely had almost everything, missed penalties, goalkeeping howlers, tidal wave attacks, library like quietness, gifted goals, last few minute goals, missed winners and red cards galore. In fact overall it could be argued that Everton were the more deserved winners(narcissistic entitlement?) So walking away from it you felt cheated by something. I think i speak for everyone here where i say unequivocally: FUCK OFF MUCHA and FUCK OFF MOYES. David Moyes nonsensical decision to stick with a player who almost single handedly put us out of the last round with his clown like goalkeeping has to make you laugh. Straight after the game in question he went out and recruited Marcus Hahnemann, certainly more proven than this wacky twat. So what was his decision to give him the nod last night motivated by? Loyalty? He wants offski's doesn't he? We were playing against a top 3 side in the country you daft ginger bullet.

   

I remember watching Mucha in the South Africa World Cup and thinking: ''hmmmm 'wacky get', not Everton him...''. He honestly makes Stefan Wessells look like the second coming of Lev Yashin this tit and i genuinely hope he never gets anywhere near an Everton shirt again. Monumentally fucking up the way he did, and thats what it was, easily as bad as Taibi for United, that goatee'd meff for Villa against Brum that time and the spurs one that was disallowed v United(details!), put us under pressure to chase a game which up until that point looked far more likely to go our way. Just fuck the fuck off.



The majority of the players stuck to their task diligently, with decent performances all over the pitch, Sylvain Distin had one of his 'very good' performances, Baines was incisive, Saha a menace(honest!), Rodwell was solid and uncompromising, Bily gave you hope but faded slightly and the introduction of either Coleman (who annoyingly replaced Rodwell instead of the Russian) or Barkley seemed to be most likely, but this is Moyes and the carling cup. Anyway, it almost paid off when we equalised on 83 minutes after lots of pressure. Ill skip the fact we should have already been 1-1 when 'Mr.Reliable' fluffed his lines.



The lad who lifted the sodding roof off the Shed End or wherever we sit at Stamford Bridge earlier in the year when he laser guided his free kick in the final minutes of an FA Cup tie came up short, somehow he managed to fluff the rebounds too, not our night. This was confirmed when Denis Stracqualursi spurned a glorious free header created by the ever dangerous Drenthe in the final moments. The poor twat has had about 25 minutes of first team football so far and a whole manner of fat ale house beauts in the stand find it hilarious trying to 'out banter' each other for the supposed delight of their fellow supporters sat around them, how 'no wonder Leicester fucked you off' and 'Kinell Denis lad, Prsecot Cables are too good for you', great cunting site lads! I mean, he's raw as fuck, just like Velios is, but bringing him on when they did made Chelsea think, made us more direct and he contributed once or twice to almost helping us nick the win. Dont let this get in the way of your match-day zany footer banter quest though. You utter fucking cretins.



All that was left then was for Drenthe with almost pre pubescent over enthusiasm to inevitably get sent off in extra time and for Chelsea to exert there better quality upon us with both teams tiring. Oh and for Jan Mucha to take centre stage again to hopefully bring the curtain down on his memorable Everton career. Thanks for the memories Jan..

A nice two hour work out then to welcome the champions early on Saturday.

FUCK OFF EVERTON.