The banter was high, the critiques harsh and the competition fervent. The people voted with their eyes and their keyboards and the next thing i knew my swinging, hairy clockweights were being hammocked by these little beauties:
As a lot of people from a certain corner of nerdspace are already aware Luis & Juke and Oiler Boiler undergarments are quite literally the bee's knee's and indeed the dogs danglies of this already crowded market, im officially a loyal customer. Their purposeful combination of 95% cotton and 5% elastane combine to support your Hairy Walnut with reassuring ventilated aplomb. The designs have been sneered at as a bit ''too gay'' or a little ''fun boyish'' but i can categorically confirm they are wholeheartedly preferred by not only my delectable Maude at home, but also fellow masculine moustachioed beefcakes down the gym. It's literally win win here world.
Boy or indeed girl, im presuming here i dont have a fanny, you need to treat yourself to a pair. They're sold out of snazzy gaffs such as Selfridges, Urban Outfitters and Harvey Nics for all kinds of Roubles to unsuspecting trend seeking footy players and the like. Im here though to tell you that you can pick them up for next to fuck all (relatively speaking, both your balls will take time out to individually thank you for making the leap from baggy arsed M&S jockeys to these ) direct from http://www.rockundies.com/ . Either that or throw down your oven gloves in a culinary duel to a load of faceless nerds sometime soon.
Onto Wolves. There are fewer and fewer occasions these days in Premiership football that can genuinely surprise you. Marouanne Fellaini pledging himself to Everton for another 5 years was definitely one of them. The timing of it is utterly bizarre, 6 weeks...a month and a frigging half away from a transfer window which would see him in that golden 18 months left on his contract player power period, which allows him to speak to potential interested parties. I mean, they're almost all gluttonous capitalist cunts, just what is in it for him?
Maybe the reported 70k per week he has signed up to was a one time offer only and he wouldn't get similar again? Unlikely. Maybe he knows something is in the pipeline regarding ownership? Then why not wait to see what they would offer him in petrodollars when his contract is rapidly running out. Maybe nobody was sniffing around him at all and we were his best option? Not a chance. Its hard as an Everton fan not to be cynical about some of his affectionate rhetoric either, you could almost see him being force fed it at times in his press conference ''errr errrm wass tha other yang one....errr....Rasss Barrclay?'' it leaves you with the feeling that there could be more than meets the eye with this one. Whether that may be a negative or a positive remains to be seen. Still, apparently were like a family to him. Arrrrr!
All pissing and moaning aside, were already in the shite and the big fucker is integral to us beating our opponents in this November 6 pointer on Saturday. His brooding ''wrecking ball'' ability should put us on another level to Wolves entirely(hark!). Lets hope now his poke has been agreed for the next 5 years he can concentrate on dominating sides like he should be every week. We certainly missed that presence against the Newcy Broons. His manager needs to start from tomorrow, ignore all the dissenting fucking clowns on Spellow lane claiming rumour victories left right and centre and go for this teams throat. It may have been Ghandi that once said: ''C'mon Everton GETHEFUCKINTOTHEM''
Im feeling:
-------------------Howard------------------
Hibbert----Jagielka-------Distin------Baines
-----------------Fellaini-------------------
Drenthe-------Rodwell------Osman-------
------Barkley-----------------------------
-----------------Saha---------------------
What are you feeling?
Cup that Henry's Balls like an angel Jack lad.
Up the Tofferoonies.
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